Valya's Blog

The hardest – and scariest – thing I’ve done yet September 1, 2011

I just gave notice to leave my job. It is a position I like better than almost anything I’ve done, and for a company that I’ve wanted to work at for many years. But it is not a carrier track that I enjoy or one that is a best fit for me. The scary thing is that I am embarking on a graduate school endeavor that I haven’t had time to get excited about. I dread what this means in my future, but I also feel it is the best course for me – I am burnt out on work in this field and I would be unhappy if I tried to stay with it. The scary part is the unknown that comes next, the big commitment that grad school will be (in energy, money, emotional investment).

It doesn’t feel very different just now. It’s probably because I still have so much to do today – finish some work projects, move to a new apartment this weekend, start preparing for school, and of course transition off in the next two weeks at work.

But it is very intimidating to be taking such a bold, proactive step to change the direction of my life. I feel scared, a bit lost and unsure of how to shape the future.

Perhaps I will start blogging more about the madness that is leaving a well-paid career-track (5+ years in this industry and 1+ earlier in a similar one) in these uncertain economic times and trying to build up enthusiasm and confidence once again to start something new.

It’s been a mad year so far, this 2011.

Drug cartel + swine flu = double threat August 5, 2009

Mexico drug cartel arrest with swine flu masks on (April 2009, Daily Maily)

I know this is an old story, but I saw something about drug cartels in Mexico on the news again tonight and it reminded me of an image like this I saw earlier this summer – just about the time when both the cartels and the swine flu were making big time news and overshadowing the economy from worldwide news coverage. Interesting – both of these problems are still very much with us, but now healthcare reform in the United States, the economy again, and the North Korean trip of Bill Clinton to help free the journalists is all the buzz. Sometimes I wish the media didn’t have such a one-two story overload. Why not try to keep hitting all the important stories all the time (like Hillary Clinton’s trip to Africa, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the three U.S. civilians captured in Iran, etc., etc., etc.)?

In a puff of logic! March 11, 2009

To borrow a clever metaphor from a good book, how is it possible that modern-day Republicans do not vanish in a puff of logic… or rather, a puff of oxymoronic statements: Pro life (read: women don’t have the right to choose abortion) and No government healthcare (read: the government has no business interfereing in you and your doctor’s decisons). Hmm… I can come up with so many examples, but this one just rang crisp when I was scanning this.

Kids’ news program February 8, 2009

I saw Nick News with Linda Ellerbee for the first time tonight, didn’t really know what it was, but just stopped on the Nickelodeon channel and there it was.  The show’s theme was on race relations, the recent election and inauguraiton of President Barack Obama and I was amazed at the intelligent, insightful and thoughtful comments the children in the different news segements had to share. It really gives me hope to hear middle and high school students sound so hopeful and focused on the future, but also determined to learn, act and follow through. I am happy that the new president has managed to stir up the youngest generations to action, respect, and determination to accomplish greatness through hard work and persistency.

As is December 5, 2008

The Real Bill Ayers

By WILLIAM AYERS
Published: December 5, 2008

The New York Times

The McCain that was… October 16, 2008

Where did this guy go? This McCain was around just before and somewhat through the Republican primary season but has been running (or rather losing control) if his campaign, letting it spiral into negativity especially so in the last few months.

Executive experience irrelevance September 1, 2008

If Sarah Palin has more executive experience than Sen. Obama and Sen. Biden combined, then she certainly has more executive experience than Sen. McCain. If that’s so important, then someone explain to me why she isn’t at the top of the Republican ticket?

Fear and guilt August 27, 2008

I thought I stared death in the face today. It was my grandmother. She gave us a big scare. It was incredibly difficult to go through. It is amazing what thoughts and emotions can keep flying through your mind when you are on the verge of losing a most important person. You think you know yourself until you experience one of these moments and then you are reminded of how you really react in situations of life and death.

I was saddened by the amount of blame pushing I tried to do in light of my overwhelming fear of loss and my constant guilt of putting her in a potentially jeopardizing situation when I should know better.

How fragile life is. How precious. I guess I am keeping this note purposly vague because it is only intended to help me cope.

My city… sort of August 5, 2008

It’s a muggy Portland evening. I love it! It reminds me of my home city, Varna, where the summertime is so hot and humid that you can sit outside at a cafe downtown at midnight in nothing but jeans and a T-shirt and be sweating.

There are Capoeira dancers on the lawn in the middle of the PCC campus and I am thoroughly enjoying the beat of their tambourine. I can’t help but think that one day, when I don’t live here anymore, I will miss Portland. I will cherish the memories and probably over-talk-it-up to anyone and everyone who wants to (and doesn’t want to) listen. I can’t help it. It is one of those places in the world (similar to some parts of Australia, in particular Brisbane), that I feel are an incredibly successful mix of U.S. and European lifestyle. It has been a good year and a half.

A story on NPR today talk about how disconnect people are nowadays, how we have fewer confidants and friends, and the author of the book (the interviewee) attributed it to the fact that today we (U.S. folks) move so often throughout our lives that we do not develop a deeply rooted community network. How true. Even just traveling to different places around the world or living somewhere for a few months or a couple of years, I have noticed how attached I can become to a place while remaining miserably lonely from a people perspective. Always wishing for the friends “back home” even though there is no “back home” the way that friends and family are scattered nowadays. Even purchasing a home doesn’t seem to be a lock-in for settling down. It’s all rather unsettling.

But I suppose I take away the charm of all of these different places (and the memories, though that sounds cliche) and that enriches my life as a whole.

President or CNN producer? Hmm… April 21, 2008

My mom mentioned today she spoke with a friend of hers in Buglaria who is a nurse and who has a daughter who became a doctor. Well, this woman apparently has always thought tons of me because she asks my mom about me every time they talk and apparently thinks I’m so smart, I’ll be president one day.

A former undergraduate professor of mine wrote me back an e-mail today saying his wife, who ran a CNN bureau in Seattle when interned with her a couple of years ago, still wants to make me a CNN producer.

It’s nice to hear things like that. They help lift me up, just like the Wikinomics co-author speech I heard last week at InnoTech and the successful visit I had at my alma matter the week before that – participating in an alumni panel and speaking at a PR session.

The trick is – how do I use these things as fuel to propel me to the next level – graduate school – and avoid being burned or getting pushed up too high on the ego-trampoline just to crash and find myself at a dead end? Very thin balance line.