27 January 26, 2009
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Family, Gibberish, Grad school, International Relations, Life, Media, New Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I turn 27 on the 27th. I used to look ahead to this distant date and wonder what exciting things I would be up to. Turns out – not much. I do love my life – I have a wonderful family that isn’t too scattered. I live in a nice town. I have beautiful memories – recent and old. I feel peaceful and happy at home. But there are also many things I’ve yet to reach for – graduate school and the pursuit of more knowledge being the primary star.
But then I look around the world and realize that I don’t deserve to complain and whine about the things I’ve yet to achieve. I just have to do them. And what’s a better time than now – when the world is so involved, so open and yet mysterious. There is an international economic crisis. There are the persistent hunger, disease, violence and suppression problems with the difference that nowadays they are as familiar and proximate as the Internet and all of its media ancesorts can make them, ushering them into our living rooms continuously. There is so much impact to have. It’s definitely overwhelming, but it is also urgent and inviting at the same time.
Perhaps that is the significance of 27 – the year I will take the ultimate tangable action towards those abstract dreams. Amen.
This is not one of those age-related crises. At least I don’t htink it is. If anything it is an interesting fascination with the number. Besides the fact that it is 27 on the 27th, it has also been sort of dear number. The favorite of mine is 3, 2+7=9=3^3.
Take it for what it is… November 4, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Civics, Education, Elections 2008, International Relations, Life, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
This is an excerpt from the personal testimony I submitted with my last tiny contribution to the Obama campaign sent online this weekend. I know there are a few typos and probably other errors, but I think it’s a good summary (albeit way too short) of reasons why I am so excited for tomorrow!
“I am saddened by the turn the country has taken since 2001. Sept. 11, 2001 was my first day of college classes and I was gripped by the attacks just like any other American, except I wasn’t yet a citizen and I felt the coldness toward recent immigrants almost paradoxically intertwined with the solidarity the country was experiencing. Today, I once again see hate and disillusionment bubbling up in the face of war, economic collapse, health care system deterioration, job loss, etc. This time, I have been inspired by the messages of hope and unity that the Barack Obama Presidential campaign has brought forth. I am confident an Obama/Biden administration will restore the world’s confidence and favor of the United States and in turn that will mean growth for the economy in this increasingly globalized era. I also know the health care plan from the Obama/Biden camp is the best (not the ideal, as there is no such thing) solution for that crisis. Growing up in one extreme (socialized medicine) to living my high school, college and professional life thus far in the other (the closest thing to free-market health system with insurance and drug companies), I know the answer must be in a balanced system somewhere in between the two.
There are many other reasons why I admire the Obama/Biden ticket, not the least of them because they are honest with the American people and encourage us to take personal responsibility and make smarter choices in our daily lives – from parents actively engaging in their children’s education to re-learning how to live within our means… But ultimately, I am simply lifted by the future-driven direction an Obama/Biden administration would take the country, by the unifying power of the messaging (bringing together all Americans, from all walks of life, experiences, backgrounds and aspirations), and by the positive, issues-focused political campaign so successfully run (with new and social media tactics that speak to the globalized, digitized youth)!”
Deep breaths and cityscapes August 26, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Life, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I love big cities. Of course, my definition of a big city is not necessarily commonplace. I grew up in the third largest city in my country, a tourism location on the Black Sea coast, and for European standards it was a bubbling, lively place. But it was only 300,000 at the time I lived there. Today, I consider Seattle “comfortably big” although many would call it medium-small.
Last week I visited San Francisco for the third time. The first was a few years ago as a tourist/on a family roadtrip. It was fun. We passed through and went to all the scenic places. I thought I wanted to live there some day. The second time was for a business trip followed by a long weekend with my love. The city charmed me again but left me with a sense of being too vast and somehow lonely, despite the lots of people in the huge streets. This time it was for a business trip alone and I noticed it was a smelly and dirtier than I’m used to kind of place. It gave me yet another different vibe… the kind that I would enjoy visiting again, to experience the different flavors, different neighborhoods, but I wouldn’t want to live there, no. I guess I yearned for some of the romantic nights that I wish I could relive better this time (the long weekend during the second visit was wonderful but not long enough and would have stayed in a different hotel, closer to the life and people of the heart of the city).
I did thoroughly enjoy the feel of a big city, looking down at the twinkle of long streets lined with white yard-less homes, from the top-floor hotel bar… Taking pictures of the many more skyscrapers than you would believe are downtown from ground level… Breathing in the crips air (after a warm day) walking back from a yummy meal with friends… Riding the ancient and exciting cable car down the steep heels of night-time San Francisco… All of these memories, while I was living them too, have warmed up a corner of my heart for the truly big city again.
The moral of the experience? I miss big cities. I have enjoyed every place I’ve ever lived… some of them have taken a while to grow on me, in some of them I’ve appreciated a sense of coziness. But there is something about the thrill of living surrounded by the energy, the liveliness of people. And perhaps it is time for me to look back towards Seattle, despite the fact that I have gradually grown to like Portland tremendously.
*Disclaimer: There are many varied reasons why Seattle is tugging on my heartstrings right now, it’s just that the trip to San Francisco reminded me how much I miss living in a big(ger) city.
Musings May 1, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I guess I am very prolific on evenings when I am in a beautiful city, in a lovely room, but all by myself. I did my GRE vocabulary homework for the evening and I kept htinkging – all this construction activity that I’m noticing in Seattle because I haven’t been here in a long while (meaning I haven’t really been in the city, I do come up to the greater Puget Sound area frequently)… all this mushroom-springing like condo-boom in not just Seattle but Portland as well and really in every major city… all hte improvements in all these other places (my alma mater, for instance)… who’s buying the new luxury homes? Who’s living in the overpriced apartments that are twice and three times as much as what we pay now only because they are in the city itself and brand new?
How are we in an economic downturn (all this bickering about the “r” word!) and yet have so much sprucing up of the cities… even Bremerton has been livening up of late – “new” corridor of tress at the entry to the city by the shipyard, the old unsightly houses torn down, greenery everywhere; a new convention center, hotel, bank building, spiffied up downtown and new ferry dock; parks everywhere and even new condos by the ferry… granted the condos were up for grabs at an online auction starting at around (or less than) $100K… but still… so much activity. It gives me a sense of hope that not everything is going downhill and not everything is getting dragged to the economic negative… I know the world is growing, Asia and really everywhere else (the EU, etc.) are growing and putting more demand on the economy, but also contributing more… and I know that some say the lifestyles here and in the “developing world” will have to equalize gradually (meaning we’ll never go back to the comfort, safe, naturally isolationist haven)… but it still may be that we retain our quality of life. Or perhaps I am blinded by aspirations and perhaps the condo boom and outdoor shopping centers (vs. malls) are just the mild symptoms of a growing class gap. I love learning more about this sort of stuff, but I’ll admit I don’t pretend to understand even a grain of it all! So, take all this philosophizing as just mundane musings, I suppose.
Copying the small stuff May 1, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Energy efficiency, Life, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
Seattle is copying Portland! The one thing I know Portland has going for it is an incredible mass transit system. And now, apparently, after all the craziness surrounding the monorail fiasco and the back-and-forth “dialogue” about demolishing it or building out further into the city, Seattle has somehow – overnight, almost – arrived at a much more logical solution. It copied an already proven system from its neighbor down the coast – Portland. Voila: the Seattle Streetcar (not kidding – check out the Portland Streetcar – that’s right, they even copied the name! Shameless).
I don’t know if it’s the invigorating charm of Seattle or the coffee I had with dinner but I am not at all sleepy. Just a bit tired.
So, goodnight once more.
Loving Seattle May 1, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Energy efficiency, Life, Psyche, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I am really enjoying a pseudo business trip to Seattle. It’s strange, it’s almost as though I haven’t been to the city in a year… and actually it has been that long and longer. I live in Portland! Such an odd concept, still getting used to it and definitely yearning for Seattle.
There are so many new buildings – condos, apartments, hotels – in the Denny area! It’s incredible. I’m thoroughly enjoying typing from the comfortable… hmmm… not sure what this particular piece of furniture is called, but is a couch-type with a back on it’s narrow side a longish, half-way down the length, side-rest. It’s intended for reading, I know that much. It’s right by the huge window and I’m looking out on Lake Union, bar a few not-too-ugly factory-style buildings converted to modern office spaces/loft-like and hip.
The bathroom has a bathtub and separate shower, all-Plexiglas cube. To enhance the see-through openness of the place, there are sliding doors on two sides – one’s the door, the other is a window-like area along the bathtub that opens into the main room, and across the bed you actually gaze out the window. I might try sitting there a little later in the bathtub, watching the city lights, or the news on TV, and the only thing that would have been event nicer is a glass of wine. I could go down to the Whole Foods and grab a bottle, I suppose, or some tea… and I might actually do that last thing, because my room has only coffee in it and I’d like to relax.
I feel calm. I’m still a bit stressed for tomorrow, the all-agency meeting, the drive back in the humongous Suburban, but that’s come when it comes. For now I am enjoying being back in the city I am so drawn to. I still feel a sense of nostalgia but it’s sweeter up here. I miss the friends that used to live in the city itself – they are all scattered now in the suburbs, engaged, and/or married with children. How did we all grow up so fast?
I’m still not sure if I will be satisfied and happy living back in Seattle, but I really do love the feeling the city gives me this evening. It’s vibrant, it’s lively, it’s alive.
I miss my love. I also miss my friends stronger when I’m here than when I’m in Seattle. Strange as it is… I guess the proximity feeds the earning.
I enjoyed the cooking school experience as well. Fun, low key, yet feeling like we accomplished something. (under the experienced eyes of two chefs, of course) Eating by the waterfront is always a pleasure as well – and Lake Union is probably one of the nicest backdrops in Seattle.
Feeling way too lovely tonight. I will do my best to enjoy it while it is untarnished.
Goodnight.
Belated Obama speech notes April 24, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Education, Elections 2008, Family, Grad school, Life, New Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings, Writing.add a comment
Been meaning to translate the few notes I had jotted down about Obama’s speech on race in the United States into typed words… and the notepad sheets have been sitting on my desk for weeks now. First of all – note that video on the Barack Obama web site is a YouTube video of the CNN footage – just pointing that out as a new media enthusiast and Wikinomics reader. 
Now to my thoughts, randomly jotting down about the time of the speech – mid-March:
I would love to have analyzed the speech from pure rhetoric theory because his speeches are usually written as textbook examples of following basics that enhance the message and complement an otherwise inspirational delivery (starting with a hook, weaving through reoccurring themes, starting and beginning with the same topic to frame the speech in a whole and bring it to a natural conclusion - and a slew of other techniques (like anecdotes, jokes, etc.) that make the speech so much easier to follow and engaged with). But I won’t go down that path because I am rusty and to begin with I only had the 101 speech class knowledge to rely on.
The white grandmother anecdote make some cringe. They wouldn’t do that to their grandmothers – embarrass them like that in front of the whole nation, critics said. The story was genuine, it was about “covert” racism, the kind that is not on the surface or even recognized by the person wielding it. I wondered about that too. There is a person in my immediate family who I could say a lot of the same about, on a very similar, close-to-heart story. But would I? Actually, I would. I don’t see why not. I don’t see how making the anecdote public is condemning them as a bad person. Everyone has some bias or another. But all has to be put in context of each person’s unique world view. Otherwise, we would all be hypocrites.
Obama did put the story of his white grandmother in context. And I am glad he did so. It is a much more common story nowadays with so many mixed couples of so many different backgrounds, and certainly not just in the United States.
Obama put the story of his grandmother in context like he put the story of his pastor in context – he grew up in an era of suppression of black people’s potential and opportunities. There are certain attitudes in my family I dislike as well, but I am not about to disown them. I know the context in which they were raised and their world views formed (in Bulgaria), my world view is a product of theirs and my own experiences – it’s a new prism (Bulgaria, the United States and brief trips to many other countries only since 2004 – until then I only knew these aforementioned two countries… odd isn’t it?).
I took issue not with his mention of his grandmother’s bias, but with his comment about jobs abroad. The thought of a protectionist president in today’s global and vibrant economy just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Listening to his speech gave me a new wave of ideas for a book or thesis – perhaps something I can work on after grad school acceptance when I’m more relaxed about my future but still with some buffer time before I tackle it head-on.
racism/Obama’s experience & world viewe/speech/immigration/my experience & world view/global economy
I look back at my own past attitudes and the growth and learning I’ve experienced consciously and subconsciously and it scares me somewhat. I tell the anecdote of the African exchange students (college level) at the public transportation bus stop outside the English language high school and my classmates’ hurtful comments; I also frequently share the story about a journalism teacher who really pushed me to look inside myself and recognize those learning moments in my first weeks in the United States when I met people of different ethnicities and cultures for the first time. Those memories are insightful but also bitter and painful because they prove I wasn’t perfect and by extrapolation it means that I may not be at the end of that journey yet – and that’s what truly scares me.
Nostalgia for a type of writing art April 24, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Food, Grad school, Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings, Work, Writing.add a comment
Took my lunch at a nearby mall, as I often do, a few days ago. I like to go there because there’s a Starbucks on the top floor that I like and if I’ve brought food from home I can either get a coffee and sit there to read my book or go to the food court, not buy anything and sit, read, and eat my packed lunch. Of course, if spring would come around, I would start eating my lunch in the park outside the office.
I digress.
What’s also nice about going to that mall is that frequently there is something going on outside in the town square (a festival or protest with a whole bunch of horse-mounted policemen patrolling) or in the mall itself. So this particular afternoon there were several perishable food sculptures in the small fountain and plant area in the mall. I saw them from the second floor and was on my way out by then, but I wanted to take a picture of them and talk to the slew of junior-high-aged students standing around them… and I wanted to write a blog about it and partner it with some photos. The next day I went back, this time with a camera, and while I didn’t take pictures (I had lunch and then went shopping with a coupon that was expiring, leaving me next to no time to get back to the office after my long break), I did look at one of signs and it turns out they are world hunger awareness projects, like a competition for sculptors who arranged canned food, spaghetti and boxes of Crisco into: two giant robots boxing inside a rink, an oversized monopoly board with dice, etc., a humongous red apple with a curled worm coming out of it, and a crusie ship.
I guess my pangs of nostalgia for journalism surface when I see something cool like that, especially given the world food crisis that’s all over the news lately. This would be a story of how some local companies (well “local” being relative) like Whole Foods partnered to do this competition and raise awareness.
It’s strange because I don’t have a strong desire to go back to journalism. It is a dying art and the pay is pretty deadly too. But at the same time I am worried I don’t have a niche yet. The comfortable feeling of writing features is starting to stir up again and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
At least there are steps being taken toward the grad school path, which is helping me breathe easier – GRE class starts this weekend! Yay!
The Smurfs are back! March 2, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I heard an NPR story a couple of days ago that featured the Smurfs’ comeback. I vaguely but fondly remember the little blue guys and I kind of miss them, I must admit. Not going to dive into a Smurf-reminiscent rant here, no worries, but I thought it was interesting what one of the interviewees in the story said was the reason the blue creatures are coming back now and are expected to pick up popularity among kids (and possibly grown ups who remember them) – life is too complicated and people crave simplicity, especially when it comes to their entertainment. In the Internet world of today, there may actually be something soothing, peaceful and relaxing about them… Oh, and they’re partnering with UNICEF! Yay! Plus, it’s the Smurfs’ 50th anniversary, hence the return timing. 
Candy hearts and pink balloons February 14, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Life, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
On the bus this morning there was a man carrying a set of balloons, red and pink, those metallic kind, not see-through. You couldn’t quite make out what they spelled, but there was an “I” and a heart-shaped balloon, and something that resembled a moon. The trio was large enough to prevent most people from venturing to take the empty seat next to the guy.
Valentine’s Day should not be all pomp and over-the-top kitsch. Definitely not the only time of year when love is demonstrated. In general, love should not be equated with material stuff. Yet, a few small things, to show that you remembered, always tend to bring a smile and genuine appreciation.
I suppose part of my inner struggle is that I don’t want the pink-red heart-shaped balloons, the serenades, the cheesy grams, etc. etc. etc. Yet, if I didn’t get a bit of something small, it would feel a bit sad and lonely. It’s hypocrisy, I’m sure, but I can’t help it. I feel loved and treasure my significant other constantly, no matter what day of the year it is. And I don’t believe I’m yearning for something in particular today in order to show the rest of the world I am in love (people notice when they see us together, I’m told). So, why is it that Valentine’s Day still makes me wish for a little something…?
