The tangential frustrations of unemployment March 11, 2009
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Family, Gibberish, Life, Superfluous musings, Work.add a comment
When you are unemployed and feel you’ve taken all the right steps, but the right opportunities just aren’t aligning yet, you begin to get frustrated. You try to catch yourself and take a deep breath every time exasperation creeps in, but it’s tough. Especially when loved ones – who only mean to help – begin suggesting the leadership phrases you should include in your resume, and where you could look for jobs, etc. You want to take it out on them for not giving you enough credit that you’ve done all of that legwork already, all of the preparation, all of the networking, all of the job application submissions with customized cover letters each… But you can’t, because it’s not fair. They mean well. And they themsevles have a good job … in this economy. It’s not a derision on your accomplishments, it’s a good-intentioned helpful hand. Take a deep breath. Pause. Think about that. And it’s probably better that you say nothing if all you can muster to say is either a knee-jerk overreaction or a sarcastic comment that would offend the helpful, sympathetic friend or relative.
I guess the tougher challenge is to keep up your own good spirits. But the answer is definitely not taking out frustration on those around you who are genunitely supportive, even if their way of demonstrating support frustrates you.
27 January 26, 2009
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Family, Gibberish, Grad school, International Relations, Life, Media, New Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
I turn 27 on the 27th. I used to look ahead to this distant date and wonder what exciting things I would be up to. Turns out – not much. I do love my life – I have a wonderful family that isn’t too scattered. I live in a nice town. I have beautiful memories – recent and old. I feel peaceful and happy at home. But there are also many things I’ve yet to reach for – graduate school and the pursuit of more knowledge being the primary star.
But then I look around the world and realize that I don’t deserve to complain and whine about the things I’ve yet to achieve. I just have to do them. And what’s a better time than now – when the world is so involved, so open and yet mysterious. There is an international economic crisis. There are the persistent hunger, disease, violence and suppression problems with the difference that nowadays they are as familiar and proximate as the Internet and all of its media ancesorts can make them, ushering them into our living rooms continuously. There is so much impact to have. It’s definitely overwhelming, but it is also urgent and inviting at the same time.
Perhaps that is the significance of 27 – the year I will take the ultimate tangable action towards those abstract dreams. Amen.
This is not one of those age-related crises. At least I don’t htink it is. If anything it is an interesting fascination with the number. Besides the fact that it is 27 on the 27th, it has also been sort of dear number. The favorite of mine is 3, 2+7=9=3^3.
Shotgun weddings are OK, but birthcontrol is not? September 1, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Education, Elections 2008, Family, Life.add a comment
Gov. Sarah Palin taught her daughter well. Birthcontrol is sinful. Shotgun weddings are face-saving. I have all the respect for the family’s decision and unconditional love for their 17-year-old kid and the kid’s baby. But, how can Palin be “proud” – her words – of her daughter when the teenager had premerital sex… Hmm, Palin is pro-life and anti-birhtcontrol, but obviously failed to teach her own children abstinence before marraige. That sounds to me like parental failure and even more poignant when it comes from a pro-life, anti-pill mom who advocates these two views for all women. It’s merely the hypocricy of the situation that bothers me. I understand the plea for privacy and I don’t care for this announcement to put the spotlight on the candidate’s daughter. What saddens me and what I think people must take into consideration is that this vice presidential candidate highlights her family values as possibly her most compelling asset and yet her own child seems to have been in need of more education on family planning. If she can’t instill these values within her own family, what gives her the right or the skillset to advocate them for everyone else.
Belated Obama speech notes April 24, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Education, Elections 2008, Family, Grad school, Life, New Media, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings, Writing.add a comment
Been meaning to translate the few notes I had jotted down about Obama’s speech on race in the United States into typed words… and the notepad sheets have been sitting on my desk for weeks now. First of all – note that video on the Barack Obama web site is a YouTube video of the CNN footage – just pointing that out as a new media enthusiast and Wikinomics reader. 
Now to my thoughts, randomly jotting down about the time of the speech – mid-March:
I would love to have analyzed the speech from pure rhetoric theory because his speeches are usually written as textbook examples of following basics that enhance the message and complement an otherwise inspirational delivery (starting with a hook, weaving through reoccurring themes, starting and beginning with the same topic to frame the speech in a whole and bring it to a natural conclusion - and a slew of other techniques (like anecdotes, jokes, etc.) that make the speech so much easier to follow and engaged with). But I won’t go down that path because I am rusty and to begin with I only had the 101 speech class knowledge to rely on.
The white grandmother anecdote make some cringe. They wouldn’t do that to their grandmothers – embarrass them like that in front of the whole nation, critics said. The story was genuine, it was about “covert” racism, the kind that is not on the surface or even recognized by the person wielding it. I wondered about that too. There is a person in my immediate family who I could say a lot of the same about, on a very similar, close-to-heart story. But would I? Actually, I would. I don’t see why not. I don’t see how making the anecdote public is condemning them as a bad person. Everyone has some bias or another. But all has to be put in context of each person’s unique world view. Otherwise, we would all be hypocrites.
Obama did put the story of his white grandmother in context. And I am glad he did so. It is a much more common story nowadays with so many mixed couples of so many different backgrounds, and certainly not just in the United States.
Obama put the story of his grandmother in context like he put the story of his pastor in context – he grew up in an era of suppression of black people’s potential and opportunities. There are certain attitudes in my family I dislike as well, but I am not about to disown them. I know the context in which they were raised and their world views formed (in Bulgaria), my world view is a product of theirs and my own experiences – it’s a new prism (Bulgaria, the United States and brief trips to many other countries only since 2004 – until then I only knew these aforementioned two countries… odd isn’t it?).
I took issue not with his mention of his grandmother’s bias, but with his comment about jobs abroad. The thought of a protectionist president in today’s global and vibrant economy just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Listening to his speech gave me a new wave of ideas for a book or thesis – perhaps something I can work on after grad school acceptance when I’m more relaxed about my future but still with some buffer time before I tackle it head-on.
racism/Obama’s experience & world viewe/speech/immigration/my experience & world view/global economy
I look back at my own past attitudes and the growth and learning I’ve experienced consciously and subconsciously and it scares me somewhat. I tell the anecdote of the African exchange students (college level) at the public transportation bus stop outside the English language high school and my classmates’ hurtful comments; I also frequently share the story about a journalism teacher who really pushed me to look inside myself and recognize those learning moments in my first weeks in the United States when I met people of different ethnicities and cultures for the first time. Those memories are insightful but also bitter and painful because they prove I wasn’t perfect and by extrapolation it means that I may not be at the end of that journey yet – and that’s what truly scares me.
Happy New Year January 1, 2008
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Family, Life, Reminiscing, Superfluous musings.add a comment
It’s too bad that I’ve gotten so lazy about updating my blog. In fact, that is one of my new year resolutionls, yet to be written down. Yes, I’ve fallen behind not just on blogging but a few other things around the home. A week and a half off around the holidays was restful, but spent with family and friends, it also simply put a lot of the to-do lists at home behind schedule.
There were so many things to write about before and during the holidays and now they have all slipped away from my mind. It is mid-afternoon and the wind is blowing persistently outside the windows. I have been productive working on a new job opportunity application – not that I was looking, but I had two people call me and alert me about the opening. The opportunity is such I cannot afford to let it slip by. At the same time, the geographical location is making me a bit uneasy. The responsibilities are numerous and heavy, though, so I do not anticipate to get past an initial interview, if even that far.
Sent more than two dozen holiday cards this year. First Christmas with my baby as a household, the way he says it. We had our own Christmas tree, a small, beautiful and fragrant thing. We had lots of fun shopping for ornaments for it.
We visited his family for Christmas Eve and my family for Christmas Day. Had dinner with a close friend we hadn’t seen in a long while. Saw one of our favorite parts of Seattle on a cold holiday night. Spent some time with friends for an Old Year’s party. Talked at length about restlessnaess, happiness, satisfying work that makes you happy, and where “home” is.
We got our new Oregon licenses. (Finally.) We spent New Year’s Eve with friends and played the Wii for a while, teasing ourselves.
I’ve completely sunk into a book about Audrey Hepburn. And we’ve played a lot of Nintendo DS. Both Christmas presents. We’ve watched a lot of Planet Earth as well, not so much a Christmas present as a holiday gift to ourselves.
I still miss many of my friends I didn’t have a chance to see over the holiday trip to the Puget Sound. Yet, surprisingly Portland felt very comfortable and homey when we arrived back here Sunday evening.
I better go list my resolutions before those slip away from mind as well. And you can check out this cool story about Starbucks and small independent coffee houses.
Tofurky November 27, 2007
Posted by midnightzimadreams in Family, Food, Life.add a comment
We’ve never been much for turkey. Not that we don’t have those in Bulgaria, we do… they’re just not a main meal the way chicken or fish or even sheep are. I think we fell into the U.S. holidays just as unnoticeably as we fell out of the Bulgarian ones… and it happened overnight. Even the very first year we were probably having trouble with observing Easter according to the Orthodox calendar vs. the commercial one (i.e. the differences between U.S. and Bulgarian holidays were even present for holidays the two had in common).
This year was a nice one. Nate was with me. And although he has spent previous Thanksgivings at my parents’ he’d yet to cook there. This year he made a Tofurky. My sister isn’t a vegetarian anymore, not to say that she would have eaten a tofu-turkey anyhow. The carnivore thing didn’t stop her from abstaining from the real Turkey. (Like I said, we’ve never really been big on that particular bird in my family.)
We had friends over and everything felt – for the most part – cozy and comfortable. I like times like that around the big wooden table in the dining area.
Nate gave the most face-redding Thanksgiving – it’s unique to his family (so far as I know) to go around the table and everyone to share one thing they are grateful for. He suggested we do the same (even our U.S. friends were caught a little bit off guard, although they did say grace) and he said he was grateful for me. I still can’t get past that warm feeling. (Blushing brings a lot of blood up into one’s face – I didn’t realize how much – and that really picked up my temperature.)
