Valya's Blog

Tradeoffs and lessons February 13, 2012

I woke up this morning mad at myself. I slept in, knowingly. I have so much homework and so much reading to catch up on. Nate is right – I can’t go through grad school the way I did through undergrad – with minimal reading and paying very close attention in lecture and just reviewing the detailed notes I took in preparation for tests.

I was nervous about econ and a surprise quiz today. It happened, but luckily I did OK because the TA was awesome and went through stuff in quiz section and the professor repeated it in class, so my old habits form undergrad helped. But I know I can’t keep getting away like that and I don’t want to – I want to study and read and really grasp things, which means a lot more outside time dedicated to school work than I currently allocate.

That all leads me to my step class training fiasco. I was happy with my decision to take this on. And still am. But I need to make peace with the sunk costs, have fun for the rest of the quarter and gracefully bow out. For two reasons: primarily that the instructor training me doesn’t seem to think I’m capable of actually doing the job; and secondly, but perhaps even more importantly, I should be dedicating my time to school work and using exercise as a stress-relief mechanism, not a source of additional stress.

Nate is right here again – I shouldn’t let one person’s opinion (this trainer) get to me. After all, she’s been doing this for a lot longer than I have and I’m only now starting to learn how to teach step… or any fitness class for that matter… or anything fitness-related. And teaching is a lot different from doing. Not to say my fate is sealed either, but I’m also thinking I won’t be able to dedicate the extra time needed in training on my own through the rest of the quarter in order to just focus on being relaxed and energizing in the classes themselves. So, I will aim to learn as much as I can but above all – try to have fun for the rest of the term and then cut things off and switch to taking classes for fun, relaxation and focus (besides, the way my grad school class schedule is looking like for next quarter, I would have a conflict with the step class anyway).

I am afraid of this thought bubbling up because it feels hypocritical and snobbish at this time, but I also am not crazy about my trainer’s style of step coaching either… so in that sense, Nate’s getting to the heart of it in that people have different preferences. I do feel bad, though, that it’s turning out I may have wasted her time… maybe not entirely, but definitely somewhat.

Now on to the positive side of all this: I still am glad I took a chance on learnign this for 3 reasons:

1) It’s a safe environment to do it and I wouldn’t have taken on learning how to coach step if it were in almost any other circumstance;

2) I now know that it isn’t for me; at least not here and within this style; I may consider picking it up again another time, but most likely not – I have a new level of appreciation of just enjoying the step as a participant! There is something true about my trainer’s perspective that a large part of this type of work is personality; the fact that I have the technique down and that I am not afraid of getting up in front of a group of people anymore isn’t necessarily the same thing as being energetic and positively shining enough to inspire people to have fun;

3) I am re-learning, at a new level and in a new context, a lesson I already knew – a deep appreciation and respect for the work of others who are talented in their field; that goes especially for teachers who have to not only be experts in their subject, but be very good at teaching and that’s a whole other craft; and also for people like nurses or doctors who have to not only be extremely strong science students, skilled/talented practitioners, but also effective people-communicators (at least for most specialties) because without that last bit – patients wouldn’t get the full benefit of education and sustainable recovery.

Net: teaching is a rare talent. Like singing which I sorely wish I could do well, because it seems like it would be a lot of fun. I wish I had a knack for teaching because it seems like it would be very gratifying.

But knowing more and more that I don’t have that teaching chromosome (to mix  my metaphors), oddly encourages me in my pursuit of education policy as a career. I think/hope that my regained level of appreciation for talent in teaching will help me prize that highly and work to protect and nurture it – both for the sake of teachers but also for the sake of students and society more broadly.